There isn’t really I nice way of putting this so we’ll come right out and say it ….

We at L’Onglex are a bit shallow.

We’ll also add to that a certain amount of vanity and a bit of a weird obsession with having things ‘quite pretty’ and ‘just so’.

Now, this isn’t really a problem in our day to day lives but obviously the current buzz of excitement around these parts at the arrival of festival season brings us out in a nervous rash at the thought of sharing portable showers and having to have to pee in fields of fellow revelers.

I mean, it’s OK roughing it with the wet wipes and slumming it with the dry shampoo, and when we think about it, we do look quite good in Hunter Wellingtons and woolen ponchos but being as we are the high maintenance sort we just cant bring ourselves to go with the idea of letting it all hang out on the beauty front.

With this in mind we’ve produced the five step guide for high maintenance festival folk like us !

Step 1 – The Eyelash Tint

Mascara, mud, sweat and drunken tears are generally a bad combination. Rain, wind and if you’re lucky scorching heat can play havoc with the black stuff and before you even get near the main stage you’ll be looking like an extra from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

If falling asleep in your make-up and smearing your blow-up pillow don’t sound like the sort of beauty regime you’d be looking to endorse might we suggest a quick tint. Frankly, thirty minutes in the salon will save you battling with the wand from the confines of a damp tent.

Step 2 – Wax it

Those of you planning to sit yourselves on the shoulders of a certain muscular someone will almost certainly look toward getting a quick wax before you head anywhere near the main stage. Yup, sitting on someones shoulders waving those arms about might be a sure fire way to get yourself on telly …. but showing those grey patches to a worldwide audience will have you remembered for all the wrong reasons. Trust us, if you’ve ever seen the footage from Woodstock you’ll know it makes sense.

Step 3 – The Twelve Week Blow Dry

Perma-hair has moved on from the days of the Beehive or Nancy Reagan which is great news for festival vanity. The twelve week blow dry means not only that you’re hair will look great for anything up to … well … twelve weeks, but that you won’t have to fork out €30 for 15 minutes of pampering in the GHD tent. The protein rich treatment will have your locks smooth and shiny all weekend and as long as you get it done a couple of weeks before you pack your rucksack you will have plenty of time to give the treatment time to settle.

Step 4 – Fake Tan

If you’re not too keen on messing around with tinted moisturiser and a hand mirror, a light spray tan should give you a lovely golden glow and should also leave you with the added benefit of being able to ditch the foundation. A word of warning here though ladies, make sure the brand of fake tan from your chosen salon is one which is washable with shower gel as opposed to the type which is water only – having your tan run down your legs in the rain  is not a pleasant experience.

Step 5 – The Hotel

Nothing ruins ones beauty more than a bad nights sleep. Frankly, if camping were really all that good nobody would have bothered building hotels ? Yes we know it’s a bit of a cheat but a night between starched cotton sheets in a room with monogrammed pillows beats even the best blow-up mattress. Add to that the small fact that on any festival campsite the odds of the person in the tent next to yours being a student learning to play Wonderwall on an acoustic guitar are extremely slim. Get a taxi. Get a room !